Transform your horse. Transform your business. Transform your body. Transform your life.

It's thrown around too much today. I got my curious hat on - do you know what transform actually means?

Everyone seems to want to change something - either about themselves, their business, their family, their horse. Which is just an idea, maybe a feeling.

The thing no one talks about is what it takes to change.

The Truth About Change

Changing is scary. Disorienting. People who change look brave from the outside, but they feel vulnerable on the inside. It requires discipline, consistency, and conviction.

David Whyte writes: "Transformation is to hit present reality at high velocity and watch it break apart at impact."

Read that a few times. So beautiful.

Transformation starts with building, but first you have to dismantle. And that's the part everyone wants to skip.

The Client Who Thought Her Horse Was The Problem

I was working with a client this year who wanted to develop a deeper connection with her horse. She competes at BE affiliated Eventing, has a stressful corporate job, and really enjoys hacking at the weekend for stress relief.

But she noticed that her horse had gone sour. Despite the vet giving it a clear bill of health, she knew something was wrong. She was clearly problem-aware but didn't know what to do next.

She'd tried everything. Different training methods. New equipment. More groundwork. Less groundwork. Nothing worked.

When she started working with me, I set some clear boundaries. But in order for this deeper connection - this real relationship - to be created, she needed to change a few things.

Not the horse. Her.

Why We Resist The Very Thing We Say We Want

Change is difficult. It's deeply challenging. This is why many people don't want to change. They say they do, but when it comes to actually doing it, they back out.

Because change means confronting what is currently not working. For most of us, that means slowing down. For most of us, that means stopping and assessing what's really going on.

My client didn't want to hear that she was the problem. Who does?

But here's what she was really protecting herself from: failing. Not being enough. Letting her horse down.

While she was busy protecting herself from these fears - while she was asking, doing, fixing, trying - her relationship with her horse had become one-way instead of a partnership.

Her ego was involved. She needed to be right. She needed to have the solutions. She needed to control the outcome.

And her horse? He was done.

The Moment Everything Changed

In our first session together, something remarkable happened.

She stopped physically doing something, stopped talking, and kept quiet.

That's it. That was the big intervention.

For the first time in months, her horse came towards her. Nuzzling her. Like he wanted to be with her. Like he was having a conversation she'd finally stopped talking over.

She'd been asking instead of listening. She hadn't been allowing space for her horse's behavior to be heard. When she removed the pressure, he picked up on it.

He had been communicating the whole time.

What Horses Teach Us About Being Human

Humans communicate via talking. Horses don't. The transformation here was the rider removing the voice and reconnecting with the body. This is how horses communicate - body language.

But the deeper transformation? She lost the need to control, to be right, to have the solutions.

She couldn't hide anymore. Her horse showed her exactly who she was being - not who she thought she was or who she was trying to be.

The horse was mirroring her internal state. Her stress. Her need to control. Her inability to just be present without an agenda.

When she finally stopped - when she hit present reality at high velocity - it broke apart.

What Actually Breaks Apart

What has to break apart in transformation?

The need to be right. To control. To have all the solutions. To protect ourselves from being seen.

The belief that we need to earn connection, love, partnership, success.

The story that we're not enough as we are.

My client realized something profound in that moment: she was already enough. Her horse wanted her - the unpolished version. The one who didn't have all the answers. The one who could just stand there and be present.

The horse is always present - waiting for a partnership.

But we're too busy trying to earn what's already being offered.

Why This Matters Beyond Horses

Transformation is deeply personal.

I love what I do with horses and riders because it changes their lives both in and out of the saddle. I'm fueled by these stories - how listening and learning to observe horses has made them a better mom, a better partner. The work with horses affects our whole life.

Because the same pattern shows up everywhere.

In your business: Are you so busy doing and controlling that you can't hear what your clients are actually asking for?

In your relationships: Are you talking over the people you love instead of listening to what they're showing you?

In your own life: Are you so busy trying to be enough that you can't see you already are?

The transformation is the same. You have to stop. You have to let go of control. You have to be willing to see what's actually there instead of what you want to be there.

You have to be okay with failing. Okay that you don't need to know the answers. Willing to let go of being right.

The Question That Changes Everything

What would you see if you stopped talking and just watched?

That's where transformation begins. Not in the doing. In the dismantling.

In the space between what you thought had to happen and what's actually already there, waiting for you to notice.

NIKA

Nika Vorster works with equestrian women who know their horse is mirroring them and are ready to do something about it. Learn more at nikavorster.com